But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
