In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
