I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize