Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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