plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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