hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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