apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
