he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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