Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
