it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
