I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
