My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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