Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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