In the future we'll all be gay
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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