I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
