Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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