ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
