You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
