U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
