I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
