I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize