got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
