Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
