My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
