I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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