Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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