have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
