Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
