I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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