I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
