Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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