yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
