"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
