I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
