you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
