I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize