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Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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