I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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