i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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