That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
