this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
