so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
