clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
