dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
worst night to have a conscience
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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