then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize