Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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