The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
