I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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