I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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