she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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