It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
