Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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