and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
