No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
