My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm always down for nudity.
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