Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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