i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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