i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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