New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
