theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
