just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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