oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hippo gnu deer
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
