Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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