Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
