I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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