If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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