I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
