Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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