What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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