In the future we'll all be gay
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
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