I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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