i think my tv is drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
