You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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