What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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