Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
