You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
