we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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