He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
