farters have to be the big spoon...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
