This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
