I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
