And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
