I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
