what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
