I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
